This week, my fellow Montclair Field Hockey captains and I attended a leadership seminar at West Essex High School. We joined the captains of all fall sports from every high school in our county. At the event, we learned about balancing school and sports, leadership techniques, and how to help underclassmen feel comfortable on the team. Still, the question that came up again and again was: “How can captains be both a friend and a leader to their teammates?”
This question challenges every field hockey player, whether or not they hold an official leadership role. As the oldest of four siblings, I find that telling people what to do comes naturally to me. Every morning, I hustle my siblings through their routines to make sure they’re ready to get out the door on time. Sometimes, though, I forget to turn off “older-sister mode,” and it follows me onto the field in unproductive ways, especially when it comes to trusting my teammates.
I often catch myself giving unnecessary reminders, such as “clean up” or “jog into the coaches,” even though my teammates already have these habits ingrained. In those moments, I’m grateful for my co-captains, who remind me to step back and let the team take responsibility for themselves. Their perspective helps me refocus on supporting those who actually need it, rather than overmanaging.
Over time, I’ve learned that leadership is less about directing and more about listening. That’s not always easy. For example, this week our team struggled against Chatham High School. After the game, my first instinct was to share what I saw on the field and point out what needed to change before our next match. Instead, I made space to listen. Through that conversation, I realized many of our defenders were confused about their marking assignments, and the team had mixed understandings of our outlet structure. By listening rather than talking, we were able to identify real issues, problem-solve together, and leave the field with greater confidence. Now, we all feel more secure in our roles and ready for Tuesday’s matchup against our cross-town rival, Montclair Kimberley Academy.
Being a leader on any team is difficult. We all face moments of doubt, wondering if we’re striking the right balance between being a confident leader and an approachable friend. But this first month of the season has shown me that if you keep your teammates’ best interests at heart and stay open to feedback, you’ll find success—not just on the scoreboard, but in the strength of your team.
